See, the fact of the matter is this: we weren’t all dealt the same hands financially, physically, and straight-up realistically. Some have it financially, while others got it physically. While some were blessed with smooth skin, others were blessed with gorgeous hair. When some felt confident wearing that bikini, others shied away just from the thought of it. It’s not just the ladies though. Some guys may feel comfortable going shirtless but there exists those terrified of being seen with what society has coined “man boobs” or of course, the infamous “dad bod”. Still, in all of this variety, there’s always been the link between micropenis-having guys and Incels. The old saying is that these guys are incels because they’ve got a micropenis. That these guys blame the fact that they’re Incels or incapable of scoring female attention (which translates into having no sex) on their shortcoming down… there. Simply put, in their eyes, due to the fact that they’ve got a micropenis, they are involuntarily not having sex, as females reject them, causing them to be labeled an Incel.
Not to be confused with just having a small penis, a micropenis is an abnormally small penis that is discovered in infancy or very early childhood. Simply put, it is a penis that is 2.8 inches or less when erect. However, according to Healthline, “in every other way, including structure, appearance, and function, a micropenis is like any other healthy penis.” Men who aren’t well-endowed are prone to feelings of depression and self-esteem issues. To note, said self-esteem issues can give room to the fear of being ridiculed. Feelings of not being worthy enough to have sex with can lead to no sex and, quite possibly, sow seeds of deceit in relationships. This deceit can take the shape of not revealing their condition till the very last minute where they can’t hide it anymore. An example of this is a lady who wrote to Essence about her experience saying she’s been dating a really great dude for about five months. They met online and were feeling each other from day one. He’s Idris Elba-fine, real smart, tall, funny, good job and no kids. However, he said he wanted to wait until they were sure about each other where sex is concerned, which she chalked up to him being thoughtful. Then, four months later he admitted to having a micropenis though he let her know that he’d understand if she left. Having experienced different sizes she told him that she didn’t care. They finally get to have sex and the size of his penis was finally understood by her in terms of “micro”, and confessing that “he can’t enter me or anybody else. Yup. We can’t have sex.”
Let’s see… let’s talk about someone who gave their testimony as someone with a micropenis. We’ll call him Theo. With a 2.7 inch erect penis, he informed the object of his interest of his very small private part, to which she assured him that it was okay. Fast forward to them about to do the deed and “recalling his only sexual experience, with a very attractive university student, he said it had a devastating impact on his self-esteem. He said, “When I stripped, she stared at my micropenis, giggled, and put her hand to her mouth, muttering simply ‘OK’ in a tone that suggested she was taken aback. When it came to actually performing, first I found that the condom wouldn’t stay on, but more frustratingly, my micropenis kept falling out every time I tried to penetrate her. Even when I was inside her, she kept asking me, ‘Is it in?’ Every time she asked me that, I wanted to die. It was clear that she was getting nothing out of the experience.” Despite trying hard to please the woman, she eventually “huffed in an annoyed way and got up”. At the time of sharing this encounter, he was 35 years old and the encounter had happened 12 years prior. Also, that was his only sexual experience and, as we read, it ended quite horribly for him as he was utterly humiliated.
Another wrote of their experience as a teenager and why getting a vasectomy is an act of consideration, “I was 15 when I realized my penis was below average in size. Feeling increasingly ashamed, I gravitated towards humiliation pornography (in which women demean men over their size) and that only made me focus more on my anxieties. I used to upload pictures of my penis anonymously onto sites such as Reddit, and the comments were all about how small it was. I’m 22 now and have never had a girlfriend, which I attribute to my low self-esteem. I think that in a loving relationship you accept each other’s faults – that is what I’d try to do – but I’ve heard stories of women rejecting a guy for his size and then making fun of him to other people. I’ve asked out a female friend or two while drunk but have always been rejected. Hell, I’d have rejected myself – I have over-eating issues, an introverted personality, and no banter. There are a million factors, but I can’t help tying them all up with having a small penis. I used to blame my inability to date on anyone but me and, for a while, I gravitated towards Incel [involuntary celibate] groups, but I soon realized that their ideology is toxic. I don’t believe women owe men sex. I struggle with an addiction to pornography, but seeing performers with enormous dicks doesn’t bother me. I’m aware they are unrealistic. Knowing that my 3.5in erection is well below average has more of an impact. I used to think that someone who loved me would work around my shortcomings (using sex toys or other techniques), but I’ve stopped looking for a relationship. In the future, I intend to have a vasectomy. I know penis size, obesity and mental health issues, such as anxiety, have genetic components. On the off-chance that I have an opportunity to create a child, I wouldn’t want to pass them along.”
Now, despite hearing many times that it matters not what the size of your penis is but indeed it’s what you do with it, the fact of the matter is one’s self-esteem will be affected if one possesses a small penis. With micropenises being something that is heavily ridiculed, the fact is that you are born with it and one of the reasons it exists is because of Hypospadias. With its cause unknown, according to Your Tango, “it is a birth defect in boys where the opening of the urethra isn’t located in the penis. The abnormal opening can be anywhere from just below the end of the penis to the scrotum. Boys with Hypospadias may have a curved penis, a micropenis, or an undescended testicle.” In the case of Steve, who at the time of writing to The Daily Mail was 62 years old, he wished more light could have been shone on his condition and blamed his parents for not talking to him about it. You see, with a penis that was just over an inch long and four inches when erect, he knew while growing up that something was wrong. “Someone should have told me what was wrong with me because my life could have been very different. If my parents knew there was something wrong with me they never said, nor did the doctors who examined me as a baby.”
Making the decision in 1976, to improve his sex life, Steve went to a specialist in Auckland. “While the doctor was a urologist, he failed to diagnose hypospadias and circumcised Steve (then aged 21), and in the process accidentally removed nerves from the tip of Steve’s penis, making orgasm almost impossible and damaging the penis even further.” In a nutshell, “I was left with no feeling at the tip or much sensation of any kind. I have no idea why he decided to circumcise me, and the idea of complaining about the damage wouldn’t have occurred to me. It was all too embarrassing. I just had to live with it. With the combination of lack of size and lack of sensitivity, it became very difficult for me to have an orgasm.” This basically meant that “I have the same sex drive as anyone else, the same desire for love and intimacy, but it takes me half an hour to 45 minutes to ejaculate. It isn’t a great basis for a relationship,” he explained. “Basically, I have a sex drive but no ability to perform.”
So, can we comfortably say that being an Incel equals men having small penises? What I will say is this: it is a myth. One’s penis size is not the only issue faced on the daily by Incels and it isn’t something that every Incel identifies with. For those who do, it isn’t the main contributing factor that makes up who they are. Now, does it play a role in them being Incels? Yes. However, to say that someone is an Incel because they have a smaller than normal penis? Absolutely not.